


I Shall Believe

by Corbeau7



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 22:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16962483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corbeau7/pseuds/Corbeau7
Summary: My take on the spoiler now proven-to-be false regarding Charity and Clive.This is not a part of my You're the Reason series.





	I Shall Believe

He was drunk. Clive. He was drunk and like a flippin octopus; handsy and all-round slimy. Charity had offered him a drink or two; with talk of girlfriends who weren’t exactly singing their praises right about now. A commaradiere drink to drown sorrows and let off steam.

Only now, now it was veering into territory that was leaving Charity feeling uncomfortable. She’d dealt with handsy punters. Plenty of times. Hell, just in general for her, over her time on this bloody planet. She knew how to coax a little slap and tickle out of married men. She flirted up a storm with men and women for a little bit of attention.

But Clive was getting on her tit. Big time. Banging on about how women don’t understand men or some drivel. Expecting her to be all over him with platitudes even though he had tried to commit a crime. No thanks.

“And you know what?” Clive narrowed in on Charity, with what she assumed was his flirty smile. It looked more like the time Moses was constipated, but she supposed some women fell for it.

“Listen, why don’t you get on, yeah?” Charity was tipsy, but nowhere near drunk enough to listen to his “poor me” speeches any longer.

“You get it. Vanessa is just like her, all pompous, righteous. Never does anything wrong, always our fault.” Clive downed his drink and smiled. “You get me.”

“Times up,” Charity warned. She could talk a little trash about Vanessa after their disagreement, but she wold not tolerate anyone talking trash about her girlfriend.

Clive reached over the bar and tried to grasp Charity’s hand. She withdrew in a hurry.

“Out, before I heave you out myself,” Charity said.

“Why don’t you invite me out back and we can talk about this more. Drink a lot more too,” Clive stumbled off his stool and began to make his way behind the bar.

“Look Clive, we had a few drinks, had a little vent, but that’s it yeah?” Charity warned, on the offensive.

“I know you’re bi, so you must understand that I am a catch,” Clive said with a smile that made Charity ill.

“Talkin ya self up is not exactly desirable,” Charity said, trying to maintain her cool. What was it with the assumption that she was an easy mark because she identified as bisexual? 

“Vanessa is a stuck-up snob who hadn’t been around a while. Now she’s back, she’s havin a go at you. I could be a bit of fun for you,” Clive smirked. Vanessa was most likely near the end of her experiment with Charity, he wagered. Best time for him to swoop.

“Ya think?” Charity asked sarcastically, putting her hand out to prevent Clive from getting too close. She could smell the alcohol on him, and his aftershave or whatever it was. As expensive as it probably was when he doused himself in it, it smelt like cheap shit now, reeking out of his pours. 

“Just a little snog, maybe a little more?”

Charity put both hands up now, needing to stop this in a pretty fast fashion.

“Okay right, you’re out. Get home, or wherever. Out.”

Clive shook his head, the alcohol clearly impeding his logical thought processes.

“Town whore, giving up a quick shag?”

Charity took a deep breath. She paused. There was no one around now, it was up to her to get rid of this scumbag without any drama. Or, any further drama.

“Be that as it may,” Charity said through gritted teeth, “I am happily attached.” She closed her mouth before she added that she wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole. She doubted Clive would appreciate that much, and she needed to calm the situation down, not inflame it. Ness would be so proud, she thought with a quick smile.

“Not what you were sayin’,” Clive stuttered.

“Yeah? Well I doubt Leyla is a hag who is a dud root, as you so eloquently put it earlier.”

“So, this Vanessa isn’t an overbearing, righteous, bossy do-gooder?” Clive tried to lean against the bar, only to lose his footing and fall on the beer-stained mats.

“Well,” Charity said with a smirk, “well she’s kinda all those things at one time or another. But that’s part of her charm.”

She bent down to heave the drunken man up, but he wasn’t budging. Charity was tempted to call Bob, get him to help. She wasn’t going to be able to lift this lug up on her own. Second thought was to leave him there. He’d reek of stale booze in the morning, and Marlon could deal with him. 

“Just give me a little taste,” Clive muttered, unsuccessfully trying to wipe himself down. He lifted his head as Charity bent down to try one more time. Clive managed to rest his lips near her own, and she pushed him down, pleased when he flopped with a thud.

“What was that?” Charity asked, knowing what it was, but still shocked that he tried it. Even after all his drunken bluster, she didn’t really think he would kiss her. Was she slipping? Looking for the good in people instead of trusting her instincts? Had Vanessa made her soft?

Clive covered his face. 

“Um.”

“Um?” Charity yelled. “Um! That’s all you have? Get out or I’ll call up for Paddy to boot you out on your arse.”

“Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen,” Clive said, trying three times to stand up. On the fourth attempt, he managed to proportionate his body weight well enough to stand. Wobbling, but upright. 

He staggered out of the pub. A few bumps along the furniture along the way, and a few goes of the door, but he finally left.

Charity slumped to the ground. She covered her mouth, feeling the bile beginning to rise. A quick spew on the mat, then a cloth to cover it. 

“Shit.” Charity wasn’t much for swearing, especially after she called someone a fuckwit on way to Hotten with Johnny and he tried to repeat it all car trip. But, if ever a swear or two was appropriate, it was for this kind of fucking situation.

She stood, knowing she had to clean before she could do anything else. This could be the start of her penance, cause the next thing she had to do was go and talk to Vanessa. She felt as though cleaning up a year’s worth of spew would actually be an easier, less messier option. 

*****

The place took three hours to clean. It would have been faster, only Charity had to stop a few times to formulate a game plan. It was true, she and Vanessa had argued. Tracy was amazing, she really was, but was she ready for the demands of business? After everything? She wanted to protect Vanessa’s kid sister. She felt a certain kinship with her after everything. Of course, she hadn’t put it the right way and the look on Trace’s face was a kick in the teeth. Then, the look of anger and disappointment from Vanessa was like a kick in the stomach. All this kicking!

Vanessa had called her selfish, thinking of how Tracy’s success could impede on the Woolpack. Charity had called her ridiculous. Vanessa never really shouted. No, she was more damaging when she spoke with a measured tone. When Vanessa told her, “I need to support my sister,” in a calm, yet firm tone, Charity knew she was in the doghouse. Big time. Vanessa never told her to leave, never in their arguments. No, she never told her to go, was it perhaps because she was worried Charity would never return? But, she could tell, as Vanessa closed her eyes and sighed before turning her back, that she was not going to discuss it any further.

Charity got angry at that, it was irrational, but that wasn’t new. She called out, “I wish you were still at your conference,” and it made Vanessa pause. Tracy’s arm went around her immediately, and Charity could tell that blow hit. It hit hard. 

So, it led her to the drink. An oldie but a goodie in her case. Clive was there, moaning about Leyla. Charity began to find a little comfort in the idea of swapping stories. 

The thing with that, is Charity felt guilty with every little story. She felt like she was being petty and disrespectful. So, she kept pouring the drinks and listened to Clive as he paid her a few compliments. 

Now here she was, cleaning and cleaning. The guilt amassed with every cleaned glass. She had been out of line. Again. How long was Vanessa going to put up with her outbursts? They had been away from each other for a while, they really should be holed up in Vanessa’s bed. Instead, she fucked up.

Looking at her phone, she was a little disappointed to see that there were no new notifications from Vanessa. It had just ticked over to midnight, so there was no way she’d head over to Vanessa’s now. She decided to put her phone away; no apologies yet, and head to bed.

*****

Vanessa woke the next morning, smiling as she rolled over. No. Not last night, there was no Charity. Or Moses. Just her, and Johnny. Leyla had messaged to say she and Clive had a row and she was staying out to drink her sorrows. Tracy was with dad, trying to hash out ideas about the café.

She reached for her phone. No messages from Charity. In a way she was surprised. She half expected a string of drunken sexually charged messages, or a few sorry texts filled with the wrong emojis. Nothing.

A small part of her got a little mad about the radio silence.

“Oh well,” Vanessa shrugged. She had her son to rouse from his sleep, so Charity’s sulk would have to wait.

*****

Charity woke, sticking her tongue out in disgust. Her mouth tasted horrible. She remembered brushing, but clearly it wasn’t enough.

She then realised that Vanessa would probably be up now, getting Johnny ready for the day ahead. Vic had Moses, so it gave her the chance to get ready, and to talk to her gorgeous girlfriend.

“Shower,” Charity muttered. She felt pretty horrible. Part of that was the emotional toll yesterday took on her. Vanessa was going to be so mad, but she needed to tell her everything. This woman was the love of her life and she’d be dammed if Clive was going to ruin that for her.

*****

Charity stood at the door of Vanessa’s. Her sanctuary. So much had happened in this house. So much. She shuddered as she knocked, hoping this wasn’t going to be one of the last times she would be welcomed inside.

Vanessa opened the door, toast hanging from her mouth. She gave herself away with the wide eyes, but said nothing, simply turning and heading into the kitchen.

Charity followed. She would always follow this gorgeous woman. Probably forever.

“So?” Vanessa folded her arms, her petite frame seemingly growing with the weight of her anger.

“I don’t really know,” Charity shrugged. This was the wrong thing to start on, she knew it the moment she spoke. 

“I can’t guide you, Charity. You’re a grown woman, with kids. Responsibilities.”

“I know,” Charity nodded, wanting to reach out, anchor herself in Vanessa’s warmth.

“Right. Well this is pointless,” Vanessa said, turning to the sink, her shoulders slumped.

“I sent Trace a text, apologising, babe. First thing this morning. I was out of line.”

“She told me,” Vanessa didn’t turn, rinsing the mugs she had washed.

“Right. Of course.”

“Think that everything’s okay now?” Vanessa asked in a hushed tone.

“No.” Charity sighed, this was not how she had envisioned the talk would go. She needed to start talking, to have Vanessa hear her. “Ness,” Charity reached out to touch Vanessa on the shoulder. She almost cried herself when Vanessa flinched away.

“I know that when you feel cornered, or scared, or unsure, you bite back. I know that, and I’ve had some encounters with you this past year and a bit where I’ve taken the harsh words because I know you don’t mean it, not really. But what you said last night?” Vanessa paused, turning to face Charity, her face full of tears.

“I was so far out of line,” Charity nodded.

“You were cruel.” Vanessa said angrily. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, took you all this time to find those words, did it? Cause I heard nothing from you. I didn’t even know if you were coming home.” Vanessa paused, realising she had called her place their home. Charity didn’t seem to notice, she made no indication that she had heard the little slip.

“Figured you could use some radio silence,” Charity shrugged.

“What I could have used was an explanation. But no, instead you went off to get drunk.”

Charity’s heart rate sped up, worry etched on her face. Did Vanessa know about Clive?

“Have a good night? Cause I was comforting Tracy, while she was doin' the same for me. Then I went to bed and slept on and off until Johnny stirred.”

“I didn’t have a good night, actually.” Charity said, her tone catching Vanessa off guard. She figured she’d best plough on.

“Clive was in, moaning about his missus, your mate. Saying she didn’t understand why he wanted to do something or another. Got really drunk, tried to proposition me for sex and kissed me before taking off covered in stale beer and maybe some of his own piss.”

“He what?!” Vanessa shouted this time. The noise level made Charity flinch, but she was immediately apologised to with a hand up, “sorry.”

“Yeah. Got all handsy, saying that I wanted to try things because I’m bisexual and you’d been away a while.”

“Did he hurt you?” Suddenly the angry disappointed Vanessa was in full protector mode, running her hands around Charity’s arms and torso.

“Babe. Ness,” Charity grabbed the wandering hands and kissed her knuckles.

“I’m going to give him a piece of my mind,” Vanessa broke away from Charity, ready to put on her jacket and hunt Clive down.

“Ness. Stop.” Charity smiled just a fraction, loving how this woman cared so much for her that she was willing to fight in her corner.

“Did he hurt you?” Vanessa asked again.

“No. He got a little demanding, and said some things, but he didn’t force himself on me in that way.” Charity moved away to sit down on the couch.

“Are you alright?” Vanessa knelt in front of Charity, looking for any sign that she was holding something back. When all she saw was complete honesty and openness, she sighed in relief.

“I’m better now.” 

“He’s never invited back into this house. I’ll make sure of it,” Vanessa said. A determined Vanessa was quite the turn on for Charity.

“I know I’m not absolved for last night, but I want to kiss you if that’s okay?” Charity asked softly.

Vanessa nodded, needing the connection as much as Charity did. She pulled Charity towards her, pausing for a moment. 

“I’m so, so sorry Vanessa. I’m so sorry,” Charity began to cry, cradling Vanessa’s face in her hands.

“Sshhhh, we can talk about all that later, just kiss me now.” Vanessa smiled as she traced Charity’s face. 

Charity nodded, pouring all her apologies, all her love and all her gratitude she had for this woman in the kiss. 

*****

They had pulled away from each other after a few kisses and now sat together, hands clasped, in silence. 

Until Charity, unlike her to do, was the one to break it.

“I didn’t mean what I said, babe.”

“Then why say it?” Vanessa asked, genuinely curious.

“I ah, I panicked. Since I told you that I love you, I feel as though we haven’t had time to be a couple. Not in the way I wanted. I had grand plans, ya know?” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Wanted to recreate our first encounter. Wanted to shower you with flowers and those soppy cards that I know you’d like me to buy every once a while. Wanted to spend more time with you, but things just went against us and I began to panic. What if saying that I love you was the start of everything going wrong?”

“I’ve loved you long before I spoke the words, Charity. I know you felt it, even if we never said it. So, things wouldn’t have changed in any way other than for the better.” Vanessa laughed, adding, “I’ve been in love, or at least building up to it, with you since probably when you caught me chatting to that blasted snake.”

“The moe did it, right? I knew you liked your women with a bit of lip, but I didn’t realise you liked them with a hairy one!”

Vanessa laughed, swatting Charity on the arm.

“Oi!”

“It doesn’t excuse what I said. I was out of line and instead of voicing my fear, I lashed out. I’m trying to not do that, especially with you,” Charity cupped Vanessa’s face and silently begged her forgiveness.

“It doesn’t. But. I do appreciate how honest you are with me right now, Charity. I do.”

“So. Are we alright?” Charity asked with a frown. “Don’t give up on me, Ness, I don’t think I could cope.”

Vanessa nodded, tears falling at Charity’s burst of honesty. Charity kissed her softly, wrapping her arms around her in an attempt to solidify herself firmly to the ground again. She turned into the woman that consumed her thoughts, who surprised her at every turn. This was worth it. They were worth it. Charity was slowly starting to believe that she was worth it. 

“Come on, come upstairs, we need to make up properly,” Vanessa said with a smile.

Charity raised her eyebrow.

“That’s usually my line, babe.”

“What can I say? You’ve rubbed off on me,” Vanessa said with a shrug.

“I’ll be more than rubbing off on ya soon, babe,” Charity wiggled her eyebrows, laughing loudly as Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“I love you, Charity Dingle.” Vanessa said with a wide smile.

“I love you too Ness. Completely.”

Vanessa could move on. She already had truth be told. Charity kissed her and breathed a sigh of relief at Vanessa’s forgiveness. She chuckled, and Vanessa pulled away with a frown.

“What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinking how beautiful you are, how forgiving you are when I probably don’t deserve the immediacy of your forgiving nature. Then I thought about how Clive better pack up and leave town pretty much now. Cause babe? When you’re on the warpath? You are devasting!”

Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“Devastating?”

Charity nodded, biting her lip. She scooped Vanessa up with a strong arm around her waist.

“Devastatingly hot.” Charity poured all her love and passion in the kiss that had Vanessa stumbling back after it ended.

“Oh, give over,” Vanessa said with a shaking voice. 

“I love that about you. That you don’t know just how hot you are? How your anger excites me,” Charity pushed Vanessa’s bangs off her face. “Yes, even when it’s directed at me sometimes.” Charity shrugged and raised her arms, “what can I say? I like how you fight for what you want.”

“I want you,” Vanessa said as she leant in for a kiss. “And if you like my anger, wait until I find Clive. What he did to you was wrong, Charity. You shouldn’t be treated like that.”

“See. Hot,” Charity smiled.

“You’re just horny.”

“I’m just lucky,” Charity countered.

Vanessa smiled a genuine smile, the one where her eyes drop, embarrassed and surprised by Charity’s admission. She did this when things got a little heavy, and Charity wondered if it was because Vanessa knew Charity needed a moment or if Vanessa had never really been told these things before.

“Come on, lets go upstairs,” Vanessa said, pulling Charity by the hand.

Charity happily followed. She would continue to follow her beautiful girlfriend for the rest of her life if Vanessa would let her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you.


End file.
